Janna's Journey

With all the things that goes along with “the change” I have had to give myself the “allowance” to gain a little weight. You see All my life I have struggled with self-esteem issues and body image issues. I can actually remember exactly when it started for me, I was 12 years old. I was at the beach and I overheard some older girls talking about cellulite and how disgusting it was. I had never even heard of  that word before. I went home that night and looked in the mirror, probably for the very first time ever, at the backs of my thighs and there it was, I had cellulite! You guys I couldn’t have weighed more than 50 or 60 pounds! From that day forward I was no longer an innocent little girl living my life careless and carefree I was all of a sudden very aware of every little flaw on my body.

I thought I looked disgusting. I was a late bloomer, I was super skinny with long lanky legs and arms, wide hips, big butt, a short waist, narrow shoulders and small chest. When the lord was passing out body parts I felt like I picked the short straw more than once. Over my teenage years there have been things that have been said to me or about me that only made my insecurities worse. In high school I  found out the boys I hung out with called me chicken legs behind my back, they had even made a drawing of me that pointed out all of my flaws and made fun of everything I already knew was “wrong” with me. I also remember one time when I was 16 I was working with a guy who was a few years older than me and he told me that I wasn’t hot, but I’d make a great mom because of my child-bearing hips. When you are 16 you don’t want to be compared to a mom or told that you have child bearing hips! None of this helps when you are already thinking you look disgusting.

One day I was complaining about my body to my mom and she said to me, “The Lord blessed you with a Cadillac body.” I was like whatever, this body is no Cadillac. But that statement has kind of  stuck with me all these years. When I think of a Cadillac I think of Prestige, Luxury or high quality. I wish I could go back in time and never heard those girls talking about Cellulite, Or let some stupid boys comments haunt me for all these years. I wish I would have taken my mom’s Cadillac statement and believed it. I wish that all girls would grow up thinking they had Cadillac bodies.

Now, I am so lucky, I have a husband who loves me for me and thinks I look Great. I still struggle and probably always will to some degree.  But I am trying to love my body, no matter what shape it’s in, even if I have put on 10 pounds or have flabby arms or a little belly, I am learning to have a much better appreciation for my body now, it has for the most part served me really well. My body made and raised three amazing young men. my body has worked really hard, and has played just as hard. My body is actually pretty amazing. If I had to put a price tag on that I guess you could say I have a Cadillac body!